Do you also feel shy when it comes to talking to others? Is your conversation too full of  AAHHHs…and UMMMs… more than the real thing you want to talk about?

Well, you are not alone, many people feel this way. It’s a common problem and if it’s your problem too then stick here with me till the end as I’ll be sharing 5 secrets that will help you increase your confidence while talking to someone. 

Many people believe that confidence is something that you are born with, if you are not confident by birth then you cannot be confident ever. But let me tell you, it’s total crap! Don’t let this misconception affect you in any way because it’s not something that you cannot learn. Confidence is a skill and it can be learned like other skills. 

Now, if you think you are not young enough to learn something new, then please don’t do this to yourself. It’s just a thought in your mind and nothing else. Talking to others is an art and you can learn this art too. It doesn’t matter what your age is when it comes to learning something new, what matters though is whether you have a desire to learn it or not.

You might be wondering, do I really need this? The answer for this would be a strong YES. Talking and communicating with others is a crucial part of our lives. You might not realize how important this is for your personal and professional life, but it truly is.

Now if you are thinking, How? Then, go and search around in the corners of your brain and remind yourself of that situation where you felt hesitant and could not say anything. Due to which, you have lost so many opportunities at your workplace. Also if you lack the skill of talking to others confidently, people generally don’t value your opinion. You know it better. Right? 

Not only at work but in your personal life too; if you cannot talk and communicate confidently, people start to lose interest in you. They start to take you for granted which affects your relationship negatively. If you are unable to speak confidently to someone, misunderstanding comes and fills up the voids that have been created due to a lack of talking confidently.

Why do you lack confidence while talking to someone?

The main reason why you lack confidence is that you are unable to accept your flaws publicly. You are afraid that people are going to judge you based on your weaknesses and flaws. So you just want to hide your imperfections from them. 

You keep on questioning yourself before and while talking to them about what to say, what not to say, what if I say XYZ… and he/she gets hurt and what not, which leads to stammering and awkward silence situations. Also, it hurts your self-confidence badly.

But no one is perfect, Right? Everyone has their own imperfections which make them unique and one of a kind. So it’s okay, accept your flaws and imperfections with both your arms. Don’t worry about people judging you because no matter what you do, people are going to judge you. It’s a true fact. So, why even worry about it. They are gonna do what they wanna do, so you should also do what you wanna do regardless of what they will think or say. 

Now let’s talk about those 5 secrets that will help you talk to others with confidence, providing you will make an effort and do it. You can stop those awkward situations from happening again in the coming future by learning them.

1. Eye Contact is everything 

Have you ever been there when you are talking to a person but he is just looking here and there instead of looking at you? How would you feel? I know it’s not a very comfortable position to be in, it gives the feeling of negligence. 

The same thing goes with you. When you talk to someone without looking at them, it makes the person feel unheard, and sometimes they may even feel that you are ignoring them. Making eye contact while talking to a person is as important as talking itself. Studies have proved that when a person looks into your eyes, you are more likely to connect with them and vice versa.

Now, if you are a shy person who feels uncomfortable looking into someone’s eyes then try focusing on the glabella(the space between the eyebrows) of the person you are talking to or focus on the color of the pupil of his/her eyes. 

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2. Smile while talking

The eye contact should be subtle, neither too much nor too less. It should not look like you are staring at them which makes them feel uncomfortable and it also should not look like you just looked at them and now are ignoring them. 

Smiling is an important part of effective communication. A smiley face is always appreciated against a frowny or blank face. Think of it like this: who would you like to talk to, a person with a warm and welcoming smile on his/her face or a person with no expression on his/her face at all? I know in most cases, you will choose the person with a smile. 

Smiles are contagious. People always smile back when you treat them with a smile on your face. Your smiley face represents that you are a warm and charming personality and people love to connect with a personality like this. 

Giving a smile while talking makes the other person feel that you are happy talking to them. So, always start your conversion with a smile on your face. 

3. Talking to yourself – OUT LOUD

Everyone talks to themselves in their mind, but when it comes to increasing your self-confidence while talking, you should consider talking to yourself – OUT LOUD.

It’s a very effective way to let everything that’s in your heart come out which is by the way very necessary. Talking to yourself increases your self-confidence and gives you mental peace, as now you have yourself to whom you can talk anything.

You can practice talking to yourself in the mirror for about 10-15 minutes every day. This practice will give you an effective boost in your confidence as it’s you only whom you are talking to. You know what your flaws are and you can work on them accordingly. 

When you talk to yourself – out loud, you will notice the difference between the tone of your voice when you are talking to someone and when you talk to yourself. When a person talks with confidence there is a heaviness in their voice that makes everyone listen to them; on the other hand, the voice goes a little squeaky when a person with a lack of confidence talks.

There are a lot of other factors on which the quality of your speech depends. You can learn more about it here.

4. Don’t be shy to initiate a conversation

How many times have you taken the initiative to talk to someone? I know when you lack confidence, you barely do that. But this is exactly what you want to change. That’s why you are here, right?

When you are talking to someone, you are actually trying to make a relationship with them. The relationship can be of any sort; the boss and the employee, client and customer, colleagues, neighbors, friends, family, etc. and it’s your responsibility to maintain that relationship. Taking the initiative to start a conversation with them is a stepping stone towards your win. 

Think of it this way; when you initiate a conversation with someone, you kinda have this feeling in your heart that, “Oooh, I’m the one who started this conversation, it’s because of me we are talking to each other right now.”, which gives a feeling of nothing but proud in yourself which increases your self-esteem. 

Also, your subconscious mind counts this win as your strength and lifts you up from inside. And next time when you are talking to someone it will remind you about this win and boosts your confidence while talking.

So, next time when you see someone you wanna talk to; don’t think too much, just go and talk.

5. Repeat all of the above

‘Practice makes perfect, this saying is too old but true gold. If you want to master the art of talking to others confidently, then you should do it again and again – the more the better. Repeating is the most important thing to do when it comes to learning something new.

When you repeat or practice something every day, your brain starts to capture those things into your subconscious mind which is responsible for most of your activities, generally habit formation. If you want to learn more about how to build a habit then read this blog post on ‘How to develop a new habit to grow in life.’

Conclusion

You work out every day in the gym to remain in good shape, confidence is exactly like that. You need to work on this, and you will be good to go; whether it’s talking to someone or anything else. Let’s take a quick review of these 5 secrets to talk to others confidently that I’ve mentioned above, which includes

• Maintaining good eye contact, 
• Smiling while talking, 
• Talking to yourself – OUT LOUD
• Initiating a conversation
• Repeat all of the above.

What are your tac-ticks when it comes to talking to others? Tell me in the comments below.

Here’s what you should read next

• How to develop a new habit to grow in life
• 5 things to do to change yourself to achieve your goals
• How to learn anything you want

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